I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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