All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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