"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
