It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think my moral compass just broke
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
