Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize