there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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