Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
