So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
