What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
