he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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