your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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