we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
