You're completely useless in the revolution.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
