I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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