It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
