Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
