nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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