am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
