Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
