On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
