I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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