a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
