on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
