Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
