Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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