guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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