is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
