So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
