Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize