they need to just BURY HIM!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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