MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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