Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
