I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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