Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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