No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
