The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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