Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
PANTIES FOUND
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