i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
