it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
