You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize