I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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