my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
