Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
