Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
