I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize