I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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