Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
