I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
