the only muscles i have these days is kegels
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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