its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
