You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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