my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
