Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
