Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
