I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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