I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
