yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
