I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
