It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
