dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
