He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
