woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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