I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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