Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
