Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
