My hand turned me down
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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