just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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