I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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