I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
