i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
