i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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