so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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