A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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