good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
