We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
