id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
