I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
