If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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