What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize