32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
