I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
