D3 body, D1 cock
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
