Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
