we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Too much gin, very little bucket
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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