ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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