did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize