We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
