You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
