I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
