also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize