You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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