There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
