I want to walk on stilts...naked
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
