i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
