you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i wish my penis had a tongue
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
